Maria – ‘I Had to Learn How to Live Here’ by Julia Hall

(Chile, arr. March 1977)

Maria landed at Gatwick with her husband in March 1977, aged 25. He had been captured and tortured after Pinochet’s military coup in Chile in 1973. By 1975 the military junta allowed political prisoners to apply for exile, but it took years of constant pressure by Maria to get his exile granted and then find a country to take them. Finally the UK sent a visa, and they were escorted by the military onto the plane. At Gatwick they had to walk down the steps and across the tarmac to reach the terminal – she had lost so much weight in the years before they escaped, and the wind was so strong, she remembers struggling to stay upright.

They first stayed with others in a huge Victorian house in West London, and from there moved to a tiny bedsit. One night they were woken at 5a.m. by four men in suits from Special Branch knocking loudly on the door. They barged in and asked to see their passports – they had the wrong man. She and her husband didn’t sleep for weeks after that, it was like being back in Chile.

The first few years were very difficult and lonely. She didn’t unpack her suitcase for months, and constantly thought about going back to Chile. Being pregnant was difficult too as her English wasn’t good. She bought a Dr Spock book which she read using a dictionary. When her son was born she remembers during Sunday visiting hours that hers was the only curtain around the bed not shut because everyone else had company. She missed her mother so much.

Maria worked many jobs during her initial years in London, from cleaning to laundry work. Before they left Chile she was prepared to do anything as long as her husband was free, but reality hit when she saw herself on her knees, washing floors and toilets. She was too ashamed to tell her parents. Finally she was able to train as a nursery nurse.

She knew she had to learn how to settle in, to observe how people lived. She studied how people queued for the buses in London – something that didn’t happen in Chile! She feels both Chilean and English, she can’t go back now, she has grandchildren in London. It took her years to make up her mind and realise that she had to stay here. Her second husband was also in the torture camp in Chile, where Maria met him briefly. Years later, after separating from her first husband, Maria’s son made her a facebook account and she looked up many Chilean friends – she still knew the list of prisoners by heart and she sent him a message. They met back in Chile and he travelled to the UK to be with her.

Maria told me her difficult experiences have ultimately made her a better, stronger person. She keeps several items which were handmade by prisoners in the camps, from whatever materials they could find, including the necklace in the painting. This jacket belonged to her mother, and the floral dress underneath is what she wore on her wedding day.